Dead wind sucks, Any good jokes?

[elliott george]

Man walks in to bar, man says 'ouch'

That's comedy gold in Britain

[seaplus]

A windsurfer and a kitesurfer took a camping/wave trip to the coast together. After a few days without wind and getting onto each other’s last nerve, the kitesurfer suggested they spend the next day away from each other. They agreed the next morning for one guy to head north and the other to head south, meeting back at the campsite that evening. So the following day went as planned with each meeting back at the campsite that evening to tell each other how their day went. The kitesurfer began by telling how he really enjoyed the day witnessing nature’s splendor. The windsurfer then explained how there wasn’t much to see or do in the direction he went but his day was quite exciting. He explained “Out of boredom, I started following a train-track, just wanting to see where it went, when I came upon a woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and we spent the rest of the day making love. You name it, we did it. In fact I just left her before coming back to camp”. The kitesurfer said “Wow…Tell me more about the woman, was she a blonde, redhead, brunette”?


The windsurfer paused and calmly stated…” I couldn’t find her head”.

[Westozzy]

no wind here in Cumbuco neither...raining...

just received this!


AUSTRALIAN LETTER - I think the sender might have been upset

This is an actual letter sent to the DFAT (Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade) Immigration Minister. The Government tried desperately to censure the author, but got nowhere because every legal person who read it couldn't stop laughing !

Dear Mr Minister,

I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.

How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a television set and golf clubs and condoms from them back in 1997, and yet the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born
and on what date ?

For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand ?

My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years.

It is also on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off planes
over the past 30 years.

It's also on all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.

Also... would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely bloody astounded if that ever
changed between now and when I drop dead !!!

SHIT! What do you people do with all this information we keep having to provide?

I apologise, Mr Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.

Between you and me, I've had enough of all this bullshit!

You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my bloody address!

What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes working there!

And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you give a shit whether or not I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? In the unlikely event I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!

Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other side of Sydney , and get another bloody copy of my birth certificate - and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!

Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?

Nooooo…that'd be too bloody easy and makes far too much sense.

You would much prefer to have us running all over the bloody place like chickens with our heads cut off, and then having to find some 'high-society' guy to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo... the one where we're not allowed to smile?...you bloody morons.

Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.

P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in 'high-society' to confirm that it's me?
Well, my family has been in this country since before 1820! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade!)

I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army for something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL....Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.

However, your rules require that I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am; you know...someone like my doctor - WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BLOODY PAKISTAN!...a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers - and are suspended from
the Commonwealth and United Nations for not having the "right sort of government"..

You are all pen-pushing paper-shuffling bloody idiots!

Living in the most over regulated land in the world (within the most over regulated state in australia) as well, this letter is total gold. It's so true it's actually sad and you just have to laugh. We have without doubt the most absurd tax system as well and reliance on moronic public servants whose jobs revolve purely around being able to manage unwieldy bureaucratic systems. How many times I have had to do exactly what's this guy has done, driven around all day at your expense to provide information they already have from multiple sources, and of course my tax dollars are paying some irrelevant wage for someone to verify this information...yet again!!

The doctor reference is sooo true...important and trustworthy my ass.

Ps I liked the unhooked god joke...

[hmattar]

Living in the most over regulated land in the world (within the most over regulated state in australia) as well, this letter is total gold. It's so true it's actually sad and you just have to laugh. We have without doubt the most absurd tax system as well and reliance on moronic public servants whose jobs revolve purely around being able to manage unwieldy bureaucratic systems. How many times I have had to do exactly what's this guy has done, driven around all day at your expense to provide information they already have from multiple sources, and of course my tax dollars are paying some irrelevant wage for someone to verify this information...yet again!!

The doctor reference is sooo true...important and trustworthy my ass.

Ps I liked the unhooked god joke...[/quote]

------


Sir, it sounds like you never been to Brazil!!!

[matthepp]

hmattar, here's another kiter joke for you-

What's the difference between a large pepperoni pizza and a pro kiter?

The pizza can feed a family of four.

[sijandy]

What do you get when you cross a negative connotation with someones ethnicity in a joke?

A racist joke.

oh wait, thats not a joke.

oops

Do you guys wear helmets? you really should give it some thought.
The negative connotation was he is a LIAR. Not something a normal minded person would associate with race. Helmet dude, Helmet

Ha ha.

I think false racism accusations should be treated as harshly as racism itself.... everyone does it on a whim these days and it can damage lives/careers if it gets blown out of proportion like it so frequently does. At best they just make themselves look ignorant and stupid like the two above.

Heres a kite related joke for you.... Airstyle.

[SupaEZ]

Two aliens were zooming around the universe in their flying saucer, looking for something to eat.
One said,"Let's go to the planet Earth's moon.There's a great restaurant there called the Lunar Cafe."
The other alien said,"I know that place-- the food's O.K.,but there is no atmosphere."


Patient: Doctor,I have a weak back.
Doctor: Oh really? When did you start to notice it ?
Patient: About a week back.


Doctor: I have some pretty bad news to tell you.You only have 24 hours to live.
Patient: You must be kidding,Doctor.
Doctor: No i'm not,and it gets worse.I forgot to tell you yesterday.

[John-B]

Wanting to get down with the kids and learn Airstyle I told my gym instructor I like to lean to do the splits. He asked how flexible I was and I told him I can't do Tuesdays.