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To all decent speaking English folks , I need your help !

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panchito
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To all decent speaking English folks , I need your help !

Postby panchito » Mon Dec 29, 2008 8:57 am

Hi

I am currently working on a project to add some services and I need from you the proper grammar , way of writing the following :

1) Pump all bladders and control that they do not loose air .... (the shortest version possible please) Air tightness control of the bladders ?

2) Visual control of all sewing ? or better stitching ? singular or plural ?

3) Visual control of all bridles and pigtails ? or better attachment points ?

4) Visual control of the bar and line lengths ( or better measuring / control of the lines ? )

Each kite / bar receives a quality control approved tag from our shop .... ? sound ok ?

I think my German & Spanish versions are fine

Muchas Gracias / muchos thanks :)

Saludos


Franz
Last edited by panchito on Tue Dec 30, 2008 5:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

tungsten222
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Re: To all decent speaking English folks , I meed your help !

Postby tungsten222 » Mon Dec 29, 2008 9:31 am

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Last edited by tungsten222 on Mon Feb 01, 2010 10:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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panchito
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Re: To all decent speaking English folks , I meed your help !

Postby panchito » Mon Dec 29, 2008 9:58 am

Thanks !

I will take your version unless someone can improve it , we are on the pre-stage development of the marketing campaign so we still have room for improvements .

Saludos


Franz

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Re: To all decent speaking English folks , I meed your help !

Postby kytsrf » Mon Dec 29, 2008 12:23 pm

Our shop rechecks your kite completely before you buy it from us.
We pump it up, let it sit, and check for leaks.
All seams and stitching are examined.
We go over all bridles, pulleys, and pigtails..
We sort out the bar & line lengths; they will be ready to rig.

Kite & Bar package gets a ready-to-fly guarantee!

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panchito
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Re: To all decent speaking English folks , I meed your help !

Postby panchito » Mon Dec 29, 2008 1:50 pm

kytsrf wrote:Our shop rechecks your kite completely before you buy it from us.
We pump it up, let it sit, and check for leaks.
All seams and stitching are examined.
We go over all bridles, pulleys, and pigtails..
We sort out the bar & line lengths; they will be ready to rig.

Kite & Bar package gets a ready-to-fly guarantee!
It´s too personal ... what I´m trying to do is a sort of check list ( like the ones you find in a car work shop )

And the shop does not sell kites .... it´s a purely repair shop

But your last sentence sounds great !! thanks

Saludos

Saludos

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Re: To all decent speaking English folks , I meed your help !

Postby ronnie » Mon Dec 29, 2008 2:57 pm

panchito wrote:Hi
I am currently working on a project to add some services and I need from you the proper grammar , way of writing the following :

1) Pump all bladders and control that they do not loose air .... (the shortest version possible please) Air tightness control of the bladders ?
2) Visual control of all sewing ? or better stitching ? singular or plural ?
3) Visual control of all bridles and pigtails ? or better attachment points ?
4) Visual control of the bar and line lengths ( or better measuring / control of the lines ? )

Each kite / bar receives a quality control approved tag from our shop .... ? sound ok ?

I think my German & Spanish versions are fine
Muchas Gracias / muchos thanks :)
Saludos
Franz
Maybe this?

All of our work is inspected against a check-list before a Quality Control Approved Tag is granted to any kite or control bar.

The Check List includes:-

1. Inflate all bladders and ensure that they do not leak air.

2. Visual inspection of all sewing repairs.

3. Visual inspection of all bridles and line connections.

4. Visual check of control bar line lengths and function.

peter64
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Re: To all decent speaking English folks , I meed your help !

Postby peter64 » Mon Dec 29, 2008 9:31 pm

Good for you for asking Franz. Too often technical writing in English is done by people not qualified to do so. The results almost always lack clarity and can be frustrating for readers. If you still need help feel free to PM me.

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Re: To all decent speaking English folks , I meed your help !

Postby dobiewan » Mon Dec 29, 2008 9:32 pm

I would change 'quality control approved tag' to 'quality control approval tag'. Otherwise - nice edits!!
Ken

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Re: To all decent speaking English folks , I meed your help !

Postby lobodomar » Mon Dec 29, 2008 11:27 pm

This forum is great. You guys rock!!!

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Re: To all decent speaking English folks , I meed your help !

Postby chemosavi » Tue Dec 30, 2008 12:32 am

Hi

I am currently working on a project to add some services and I need from you the proper grammar , way of writing the following :

1) Pump all bladders and control that they do not loose air .... (the shortest version possible please) Air tightness control of the bladders ?

Test your skins on your blowup before you go prime time and avoid an unwanted offspring.

2) Visual control of all sewing ? or better stitching ? singular or plural ?

If she ain't good looking you'll get bored; not all surgical enhancements make everything "right". Getting both done always looks better and more "symmetrical".

3) Visual control of all bridles and pigtails ? or better attachment points ?

Her hair is the last thing you need to be concerned with, pigtails can come in handy as alternative friction generators. Attachment points? Use your imagination.

4) Visual control of the bar and line lengths ( or better measuring / control of the lines ? )

If you've taken care of all of the above your bar will not be a problem.

Each kite / bar receives a quality control approved tag from our shop .... ? sound ok ?

Too kinky, nobody wants their bar inspected by anybody but their loved one/kite.

I think my German & Spanish versions are fine

Multi tongued doods make it really tough for the rest of us born with one.

Muchas Gracias / muchos thanks :)

All in a days work.

Saludos


Franz


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